Showmaster:
    Ladies and Gentlemen, here is the second candidate for our show: welcome
    Joe Ray! (only one person claps its hands quietly four times)
    Hello Joe Ray! Joe Ray, why are you here?
JoeRay:
    Silly question! Because I'm dead!     (jingle)
Showmaster:
    Correct! But you must have done something very cruel to end up in my show.
    Come on, tell those people, what a cruel and violent killer you are!
JoeRay:
    Tell 'em what???
Dave:
    What a cruel mother(MEEP)ing killer you are!
Showmaster:     (angry)
    Shut the (MEEP) up! What you have done was cruel as well! And you will feel the
    same pain as well! Wait until it's your turn! (takes a deep breath)
    Well, Joe, what was it?
JoeRay:
    Yes...ahm...I robbed a bank and...ahm...
Showmaster:
    Tell us more! Tell us the whole story from the very beginning!
JoeRay:
    Heini. I was a cab-driver living in an appartement in Brooklyn, together with my
    wife and three children. Me and my wife were working the
    whole day long to pay the rent and to be able to buy some food. At the end of the
    month there was just enough left to buy a pair of shoes or some other clothes. One
    day,  she said, she had found another one - smarter and richer and more potent. She
    was sick of me! Her new lover was the top-banana! So she left me, and
    five days later I got a letter from her lawyer, that she wants to get divorced. She got
    the children and half of the money we were able to save. Man, I was down! And
    finally I got depressions and insulted every customer when he said something. So I
    lost my job. There I was standing on my own - alone and unem-
    ployed! At last I was no more able to pay the rent and then not even food. So I
    decided to rob a bank! The first thing I did was - I cracked a car. Then I hid my
    pistol under my jacked and stopped in front of the bank. I went in like a normal
    person, entered the booking-office. There were only two men of the security. I went
    to a young lady, talking to a booking-clerk, drew my pistol and held it in front of
    her face. "This is a bankrobbery!" I shouted. Everybody turned around. "Security,
    leave the building! Everybody else - go over there to the left!". You wouldn't believe
    it, but it worked. The clerk gave me all the cash he was able to find in the bank.
    Still I was holding the pistol in front of her face. "Now everybody, go to the door!"
    Suddenly a policeman came up the stairs to the entrance. "Stop! Stop, or I'm gonna
    shoot her!" He didn't stop  - I shot! Damn, what a mess! The officer tried to shoot
    me, but he hit one of the hostages! "OK everybody! Now run to that car down
    there! But do not try to run away, or I'm gonna shoot all of you!Do you hear? I'm
    gonna shoot you!" everybody ran down the stairs and me inbetween them. The first
    dozen police-cars were just coming around the corner and I was sitting in my car!
    Great timing! I grabbed one of the hostages and forced him to come with me. I
     tried to flee, but suddenly I felt something hurting in my arm. They shot at me!
     The whole windscreen was red! I was shocked - the guy next to me had
     no face anymore! Then I felt another pain - in my neck! It got dark and all I re-
     member is a truck, running into the car. That's all I can say about it!
Dave:
      That's all you can say about it?? Nothing 'bout how good you felt? Hey boy, you
      can't tell me you didn't have an erection, gay x-Ray!
Showmaster:
      How often do I have to tell you - It's not your turn, (MEEEEEEEEP)hole! Well,
      Joe, you did a good  job! It's only too bad that so many people had to die! Three
      hostages! Amateur! Twelve is the minimum for the evening-news! So it was
      absolutely senseless what you've done! And now, for the next time you will be
      punished for all the sorrow you've caused! Now let me announce another very
      short break - it's so short that you can't hide in the toilet! But if you do so anyway,
      don't forget to use some paper afterwards!

(...break is over, we had some commercials for beer, condoms, toilet paper, drugs...)

Showmaster: Ok, here is our next candidate - it's Dave (audience is quiet).
                     Why do you yourself think you landed in hell? Do you have an idea
                     what the reason could be?

Dave (feels like being the star of the show, makes silly moves, by laughing in his
          speech pauses he confirms his playboy image to the audience):
    You know, in life I always was good in playing the bad guy, but only in playing.
     I laid every girl. But I really do not have any idea why they brought me to hell. I
     know I made some girls and boys happy out there, so I should receive a better
     treatment. But, hey man, I prefer sayin'  nothin'  before getting philosophical now!

Showmaster: (speaks with a doubting voice and looks as if he wouldn't surely believe Dave's words...)
         We have secure information that you are said to have infected people with
         aids and you knew about that - kind of a murderer...
 

Dave: (gets angry & speaks fast, doesn't recognize that he just confirms that he has
           a motive, gets very loud at the end of his speech, calming down when he
           speaks the last sentence)
     You'll first have to prove that. I say nuthin'  without a lawyer. Why should I infect
     people with aids -- huh?!? You . Because these
     three gays have infected me in this horrible night down in the park??? Oh man, that
     doesn't make sense at all. Silly revenge! That doesn't make sense. Do you have the
     impression that I am an uncontrolled character that increases its loudness and in-
     tensity in a discussion. Don't you think I am a behaving gentlemen...

Showmaster: (voice gets up, he speaks in a very swelled way, like announcing a box
                      fight)
    Well, let's leave it on that. I might add we have a special guest today, it's Anna,
     your ex-girlfriend, accusing you of having infected her with your aids virus while
     completely getting up in joy over the years doing so. She was the girl who killed
     you. But before we come to that point, do you wanna add something?

Dave: (astonished, he was not prepared for such a situation. He can't find the right
            words...)
     Well, that surprises me... I,  I don't know what to say... Just be sure every word she
     says is a lie, I'm right, she's wrong.

Showmaster: (voice gets up again, he almost shouts)
     Here she is - Anna (applause, applause sign in front of the audience blinks for
                                    some moments).

Anna: (comes in, she is totally upset about seeing her ex-boyfriend again, speaks fast
            without any full stop)
       I'm Anna and this is male porno whore. During our
       relationship he was infected with aids and fucked me not saying a word without
       even using a condom! That powerful action didn't satisfy him at all, apart from
       that he even had countless affairs with other girls, boys and children - without
       even using a condom! (?camera blinking text :  did not mention sex with ani-
       mals...?). This man, I'm sorry, boy, earns a slow, painful death - o, wait a minute -
       painful, he could enjoy it. Let's still think about it...

Dave: (he almost interrupts her, seems to be upset but still tries to sound ?cool? and
            wants to make the others believe that he could control the situation)
     Shut up! S all the dicks in a row and now open your mouth and let it all
     come out again! What's that noise! I can't understand what you're sayin'  because
     you're lyin' all the time. But nobody hears you because I told 'em the truth. I told
     'em that you're only lyin'. I'm gonna show you what pain is...
 

Showmaster: (voice raises again)
                     Ok, that's enough for an impression of this complicated situation. Let's
                     have a short  break for commercials and then see how you gonna
                     decide... (heavy applause).